This one I call Mexico .. I live alone and have to bounce them off someone?

I have a new house

in a hot climate

making it possible to have

many rooms

some rooms have beaches and coastlines

some have cobblestone pathways

the wind blows freely through my house

for there are no doors

and the windows are always open

some rooms are submerged

for the ocean is my backyard

fish visit

mermaids rest on my garden wall

where my sweet peas grow

my house is incredible

here my life is beautiful

my dreams are tactile

and my transitions polished

like gemstones

scattered on the threshold of discovery.



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18 hours ago

you are right it is cheesy. it needs rewriting. thanks and now it is in the right place thank for that I had not noticed
This one I call Mexico .. I live alone and have to bounce them off someone?
How beautful. Nothing should change, leave as it is.
Reply:No, no, no... i LOVE the sentiment and the imagery.



My fave:



"fish visit

mermaids rest on my garden wall

where my sweet peas grow"



those ideas are so random and perfect together.

but! it does need to be re-written...

think of either flow or rhythm..

imagine yourself saying the poem out loud as

you're proof reading to yourself!



You have a poet's mind :)



Keep writing!!
Reply:i like it
Reply:No, this isn't cheesy, in my opinion. I love it. It paints a picture.

When I read it, I felt as though I was actual in your house, your Mexico.

This was a beautiful poem. Please don't rewrite it, unless you're sure you can actually make it any more beautiful than it already is.
Reply:You had me till the talk of the mermaids.